"Breaking Through Betrayal and Recovering the Peace Within" (book review)

"Breaking Through Betrayal and Recovering the Peace Within"
Written by Holli Kenley
Published December 2009, 170 pages (paperback)
Read: May-June 2014

With professional experience in both academia and clinical therapeutic practice, Holli Kenley's approach to exploring "betrayal" at its core is a nice balance of creative and concise in "Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering the Peace Within." She offers much food for thought as she invites readers (both clinicians wanting to understand the concept of betrayal on a deeper level as well as individuals personally struggling with betrayal)to ask and answer meaningful questions around the topic of betrayal.

Holli defines various kinds of betrayals one may experience, including the possibility of experiencing multiple betrayals that contribute to an entrenched degree of hurt and betrayal as a symptom of much deeper emotional wounds. I especially like how she points out similarities between physical, emotional, and psychological symptoms of betrayal and grief; this resonated with me. I especially liked the section where she explores the connection between one's internal and external spaces, "cleansing and cultivation" (ie, finding one's voice).

Holli gives helpful specific suggestions on creating a rehearsed plan for one's voice. As a therapist working with clients who have experienced severe trauma, I am a firm believer in setting boundaries, particularly with people in one's life that can trigger feelings of vulnerability and propensity towards being revictimized. By utilizing rehearsed statements of boundaries one wishes to set (ie, thinking about what and how one wants to say something if/when faced by the betrayer before it happens), one can reclaim one's voice in an empowering way. An example the author uses might be something like "We are done discussing what we need to. This conversation is over." Rehearsed cleansing also resonated with me, particularly replacing a triggering thought with a cleansing one. Some examples: "I am safe from him/her/it. I am free from further re-injury. I am strong." She also encourages one to visualize oneself in a safe and peaceful place.

As the book progresses, Holli uses "barometers" at the beginning of each chapter as a helpful tool for gauging where one is at. Although this did not personally resonate with me as I tend to gravitate toward more of a reflective/exploratory Socratic dialogue approach with just a bit of CBT interventions, this book is highly useful for people that are looking for a structured (ie, cognitive behavioral)approach. It is also a useful therapeutic reference guide to enhance the therapy process with its CBT oriented homework/journaling assignments for clients struggling with betrayal as a core presenting problem.

I must admit, I was a bit put off by religious undertones throughout the book until I came across a passage where she states "Many of the clients, whom I worked with, were people of faith. Some felt that their betrayal experience was also a betrayal of God." Within this context of client demographic, it made sense why she chose to tie in religious and spiritual aspects of experiencing and healing from betrayal.

Towards the end of the book, Holli nicely integrates the idea of being "defined" by betrayal vs. being "refined" by it. She encourages one to reflect and ask oneself meaningful questions to tease this out (or as she puts it, "to paint your canvas"). "How do you want to be known? What will your legacy be? Is it to be defined by your betrayal experience, or to be refined by it?" 

"Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai City" (book review)

"Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai City"
Written by Katherine Boo
Published February 2012, 262 pages (hardcover)
Read: June 2012

Katherine Boo eloquently and brilliantly captures what is truly a heartbreaking level of abject poverty in a slum of Mumbai, India. Boo weaves intimately detailed narratives of a handful of the residents, respectfully revealing the gritty nuances of their day to day existence. Tragic tales juxtaposed against tremendous resiliency and ability to adapt to destructive forces (particularly in regard to inescapable political corruption).

I finished reading this book several hours ago and I'm still struggling with articulating the words to describe my thoughts and feelings about it, nearly speechless. Ever heard human emotions can be narrowed down to seven basic emotions? This is a rare book that will likely trigger all seven for you as it did me: fear, sadness, anger, joy, surprise, disgust, and contempt.

I give this book five stars (and in my estimation, hands down the best work of narrative non-fiction of 2012 thus far!) based on the following factors: 1. Well-written, both in content and with an excellent balance of objectivity as well as articulating the complexities with a humanistic touch. 2. It's a human interest piece that educates without exploitation or self-righteousness. 3.Truthful accounts validated by reliable sources via the documented experiences of residents with notes, video recordings, audiotapes, and photographs. 4.It challenges one's notions on diverse subjects of morality, politics (corruption at its worst), freedom, and loyalty to community vs. individualism/being true to oneself. 5. Despite the tragic subject matter of the book, Katherine Boo subtly reflects the luminous power of the human spirit to live in survival mode and yet experience beauty, hope, and love amidst the worst imaginable living conditions.

"Behind the Beautiful Forevers" reads so much like a work of fiction, I kept having to remind myself "These are REAL people and these disturbing things REALLY did happen...are still happening." I had immense empathy for the "characters" Katherine Boo chronicles. I wanted to reach through the pages and pull them out, take a stand on their behalf...or at the very least, take a stand against injustice WITH them....to a more safe and peaceful, joyful place.

If you think you have it bad in life, read this book for a brutal awakening that life could be much, much worse. One such example: It's common in the slums to have "jobs" as garbage scavengers, which comes with dangers you can hardly imagine. The most disturbing sentence in the novel: ‎"Where skin broke, maggots got in. Lice colonized hair, gangrene inched up fingers, calves swelled into tree trunks, and Abdul and his younger brothers kept a running wager about which of the scavengers would be the next to die."

A few other powerful quotes which particularly stood out to me:

"Becoming a success in the great, rigged market of the overcity required less effort and intelligence than getting by, day to day, in the slums. The crucial things were luck and the ability to sustain two convictions: that what you were doing wasn't all that wrong, in the scheme of things, and that you weren't all that likely to get caught."

"What was unfolding in Mumbai was unfolding elsewhere, too. In the age of global market capitalism, hopes and grievances were narrowly conceived, which blunted a sense of common predicament. Poor people didn't unite; they competed ferociously amongst themselves for gains as slender as they were provisional. And this undercity strife created only the faintest ripple in the fabric of the society at large. The gates of the rich, occasionally rattled, remained unbreached. The politicians held forth on the middle class. The poor took down one another, and the world's great, unequal cities soldiered on in relative peace."

Open your mind. Open your heart. Open this book.