"Breaking Through Betrayal and Recovering the Peace Within"
Written by Holli Kenley
Published December 2009, 170 pages (paperback)
Read: May-June 2014
With professional experience in both academia and clinical therapeutic
practice, Holli Kenley's approach to exploring "betrayal" at its core is
a nice balance of creative and concise in "Breaking Through Betrayal:
And Recovering the Peace Within." She offers much food for thought as
she invites readers (both clinicians wanting to understand the concept
of betrayal on a deeper level as well as individuals personally
struggling with betrayal)to ask and answer meaningful questions around
the topic of betrayal.
Holli defines various kinds of betrayals
one may experience, including the possibility of experiencing multiple
betrayals that contribute to an entrenched degree of hurt and betrayal
as a symptom of much deeper emotional wounds. I especially like how she
points out similarities between physical, emotional, and psychological
symptoms of betrayal and grief; this resonated with me. I especially
liked the section where she explores the connection between one's
internal and external spaces, "cleansing and cultivation" (ie, finding
one's voice).
Holli gives helpful specific suggestions on
creating a rehearsed plan for one's voice. As a therapist working with
clients who have experienced severe trauma, I am a firm believer in
setting boundaries, particularly with people in one's life that can
trigger feelings of vulnerability and propensity towards being
revictimized. By utilizing rehearsed statements of boundaries one wishes
to set (ie, thinking about what and how one wants to say something
if/when faced by the betrayer before it happens), one can reclaim one's
voice in an empowering way. An example the author uses might be
something like "We are done discussing what we need to. This
conversation is over." Rehearsed cleansing also resonated with me,
particularly replacing a triggering thought with a cleansing one. Some
examples: "I am safe from him/her/it. I am free from further re-injury. I
am strong." She also encourages one to visualize oneself in a safe and
peaceful place.
As the book progresses, Holli uses "barometers"
at the beginning of each chapter as a helpful tool for gauging where one
is at. Although this did not personally resonate with me as I tend to
gravitate toward more of a reflective/exploratory Socratic dialogue
approach with just a bit of CBT interventions, this book is highly
useful for people that are looking for a structured (ie, cognitive
behavioral)approach. It is also a useful therapeutic reference guide to
enhance the therapy process with its CBT oriented homework/journaling
assignments for clients struggling with betrayal as a core presenting
problem.
I must admit, I was a bit put off by religious
undertones throughout the book until I came across a passage where she
states "Many of the clients, whom I worked with, were people of faith.
Some felt that their betrayal experience was also a betrayal of God."
Within this context of client demographic, it made sense why she chose
to tie in religious and spiritual aspects of experiencing and healing
from betrayal.
Towards the end of the book, Holli nicely
integrates the idea of being "defined" by betrayal vs. being "refined"
by it. She encourages one to reflect and ask oneself meaningful
questions to tease this out (or as she puts it, "to paint your canvas").
"How do you want to be known? What will your legacy be? Is it to be
defined by your betrayal experience, or to be refined by it?"
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
"The ACoA Trauma Syndrome: The Impact of Childhood Pain on Adult Relationships" (book review)
"The ACoA Trauma Syndrome: The Impact of Childhood Pain on Adult Relationships"
Written by Tian Dayton
Published September 2012
Read: April 2014
I randomly came across this book at Barnes and Noble recently. As a therapist whom mainly works with clients needing help with trauma, addiction, and recovery (including those who grew up in a family atmosphere of addiction), I always like to find more books on these topics in order to gain a more in depth understanding of the emotional dynamics at play and how to use these dynamics as tools for my clients' healing in therapy. I highly recommend this book for both clinicians and as a self-help book for those this book is particularly intended for....adult survivors of relationship trauma/addiction. This book is written clearly and concisely. The content is easy to understand if you have a basic comprehension of psychology and addiction.
Written by Tian Dayton
Published September 2012
Read: April 2014
I randomly came across this book at Barnes and Noble recently. As a therapist whom mainly works with clients needing help with trauma, addiction, and recovery (including those who grew up in a family atmosphere of addiction), I always like to find more books on these topics in order to gain a more in depth understanding of the emotional dynamics at play and how to use these dynamics as tools for my clients' healing in therapy. I highly recommend this book for both clinicians and as a self-help book for those this book is particularly intended for....adult survivors of relationship trauma/addiction. This book is written clearly and concisely. The content is easy to understand if you have a basic comprehension of psychology and addiction.
"The Goldfinch" (book review)
"The Goldfinch" by Donna Tartt
Published October 2013, 771 pages (hardcover)
Read: December 2013-March 2014
At nearly 800 pages, this book was too long for my taste BUT.....what a worthy read! Excellent character development, especially regarding the inner workings of the main character, Theo Decker, with all of his existential angst and concern about doing right by people he cares about. Even in his most self-destructive moments, there's an underlying gentleness to him. The humanity of the characters and what they've been through is the driving force of this wonderful novel. It's a story about friendship, love, loss, emotional pain, loneliness, and redemption. There are few novels written today with as much poetic depth, beauty, and exquisite detail as this one by Donna Tartt. If you don't mind slowly taking this story in like sipping a fine wine, indulge your literary taste buds with "The Goldfinch."
Published October 2013, 771 pages (hardcover)
Read: December 2013-March 2014
At nearly 800 pages, this book was too long for my taste BUT.....what a worthy read! Excellent character development, especially regarding the inner workings of the main character, Theo Decker, with all of his existential angst and concern about doing right by people he cares about. Even in his most self-destructive moments, there's an underlying gentleness to him. The humanity of the characters and what they've been through is the driving force of this wonderful novel. It's a story about friendship, love, loss, emotional pain, loneliness, and redemption. There are few novels written today with as much poetic depth, beauty, and exquisite detail as this one by Donna Tartt. If you don't mind slowly taking this story in like sipping a fine wine, indulge your literary taste buds with "The Goldfinch."
"Tolstoy and the Purple Chair: My Year of Magical Reading" (book review)
"Tolstoy and the Purple Chair: My Year of Magical Reading" by Nina Sankovitch
Published June 2011, 241 pages (hardcover)
Read: June-July 2013
This book literally moved me to tears on at least a few occasions. Having lost someone as close and dear to me as the author did, I could relate all too well to the magnitude of all encompassing seesaw of emotions and existential questioning that follows. I enjoyed reading how Sankovitch transformed her pain with the healing salve of her most reliable of "saviors:" books. I can wholeheartedly identify with the healing power of books, which has always been my most comforting of friends during not only the best times of my life but also during painful times, lonely times, and times of challenging transitions. Sankovitch takes readers on a one year journey, reading one whole book for each day of the year. As she reads, she also reflects and finds connection that leads her to a place of gratitude, joy, and a sense of purpose.
With that said, I highly recommend this book to everyone (especially bibliophiles) and leave you with the following quotes that really spoke to me:
"For years, books had offered to me a window into how other people deal with life, its sorrows and joys and monotonies and frustrations. I would look there again for empathy, guidance, fellowship, and experience. Books would give me all that, and more."
"The world shifts, and lives change. Without warning or reason, someone who was healthy becomes sick and dies. An onslaught of sorrow, regret, anger, and fear buries those of us left behind. Hopelessness and helplessness follow. But then the world shifts again--rolling on as it does--and with it, lives change again. A new day comes, offering all kinds of possibilities. Even with the experience of pain and sorrow set deep within me and never to be forgotten, I recognize the potent offerings of my unknown future. I live in a weird world, shifting and unpredictable, but also bountiful and surprising. There is joy in acknowledging that both the weirdness and the world roll on but even more, there is resilience."
"Words are witness to life: they record what has happened, and they make it all real. Words create the stories that become history and become unforgettable. Even fiction portrays truth: good fiction IS truth. Stories about our lives remembered bring us backward while allowing us to move forward."
"The only balm to sorrow is memory; the only salve for the pain of losing someone to death is acknowledging the life that existed before."
"The purpose of great literature is to reveal what is hidden and to illuminate what is in darkness."
"Sharing a love of books and of one particular book is a good thing. But is is also a tricky maneuver, for both sides. The giver of the book is not exactly ripping open her soul for a free look, but when she hands over the book with the comment that it is one of her favorites, such an admission is very close to the baring of the soul. We are what we love to read, and when we admit to loving a book, we admit that the book represents some aspect of ourselves truly, whether it is that we are suckers for romance or pining for adventure or secretly fascinated by crime."
"In reading about experiences both light and dark, I would find the wisdom to get through my own dark times."
"Maybe that is what love is: the taming of desire into something solid and sustainable."
"We all face mysteries--'Why did that have to happen?'--that we will never be able to understand. But we can, and we do, find order somewhere, whether it be in our books, our friends, our family, or our faith. Order is defined by how we live our lives. Order is created by how we respond to what life dishes out to us. Order is found in accepting that not all questions can be answered."
Published June 2011, 241 pages (hardcover)
Read: June-July 2013
This book literally moved me to tears on at least a few occasions. Having lost someone as close and dear to me as the author did, I could relate all too well to the magnitude of all encompassing seesaw of emotions and existential questioning that follows. I enjoyed reading how Sankovitch transformed her pain with the healing salve of her most reliable of "saviors:" books. I can wholeheartedly identify with the healing power of books, which has always been my most comforting of friends during not only the best times of my life but also during painful times, lonely times, and times of challenging transitions. Sankovitch takes readers on a one year journey, reading one whole book for each day of the year. As she reads, she also reflects and finds connection that leads her to a place of gratitude, joy, and a sense of purpose.
With that said, I highly recommend this book to everyone (especially bibliophiles) and leave you with the following quotes that really spoke to me:
"For years, books had offered to me a window into how other people deal with life, its sorrows and joys and monotonies and frustrations. I would look there again for empathy, guidance, fellowship, and experience. Books would give me all that, and more."
"The world shifts, and lives change. Without warning or reason, someone who was healthy becomes sick and dies. An onslaught of sorrow, regret, anger, and fear buries those of us left behind. Hopelessness and helplessness follow. But then the world shifts again--rolling on as it does--and with it, lives change again. A new day comes, offering all kinds of possibilities. Even with the experience of pain and sorrow set deep within me and never to be forgotten, I recognize the potent offerings of my unknown future. I live in a weird world, shifting and unpredictable, but also bountiful and surprising. There is joy in acknowledging that both the weirdness and the world roll on but even more, there is resilience."
"Words are witness to life: they record what has happened, and they make it all real. Words create the stories that become history and become unforgettable. Even fiction portrays truth: good fiction IS truth. Stories about our lives remembered bring us backward while allowing us to move forward."
"The only balm to sorrow is memory; the only salve for the pain of losing someone to death is acknowledging the life that existed before."
"The purpose of great literature is to reveal what is hidden and to illuminate what is in darkness."
"Sharing a love of books and of one particular book is a good thing. But is is also a tricky maneuver, for both sides. The giver of the book is not exactly ripping open her soul for a free look, but when she hands over the book with the comment that it is one of her favorites, such an admission is very close to the baring of the soul. We are what we love to read, and when we admit to loving a book, we admit that the book represents some aspect of ourselves truly, whether it is that we are suckers for romance or pining for adventure or secretly fascinated by crime."
"In reading about experiences both light and dark, I would find the wisdom to get through my own dark times."
"Maybe that is what love is: the taming of desire into something solid and sustainable."
"We all face mysteries--'Why did that have to happen?'--that we will never be able to understand. But we can, and we do, find order somewhere, whether it be in our books, our friends, our family, or our faith. Order is defined by how we live our lives. Order is created by how we respond to what life dishes out to us. Order is found in accepting that not all questions can be answered."
"Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair" (book review)
"Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair"
Written by Miriam Greenspan
Published May 2004, 336 pages (paperback)
Read: April 2013
During a Skype conversation between my best friend and I (he was in India and I was in the US) in September 2012, my best friend of 6 years told me "Katie, no matter what happens, I will love you forever." The second most heartbreaking phone call I've received in my adult life came just two months later when my other best friend called me on a Monday morning in mid November. "Katie, he's gone."
I've experienced deaths of loved ones in my life (one of the most painful of my childhood occurred when I was just 11 years old)....but none of them have been quite as emotionally painful as the sudden, unexpected loss of my young, kind, and loving best friend. One day while talking about the difficulties of managing my grief/loss while still going to work and trying to be a good therapist to my clients, an intern whom had been doing clinical assessment training with me told me about this book.
"Healing Through the Dark Emotions" salved the emotional pain in my psyche like nothing or no one else could during these last 6 months, for which I'm incredibly grateful. Miriam Greenspan is not only a therapist whom offers professional insights, she has been through her own personal battles with grief and loss as well. Instead of perceiving it as a hopeless negative, however, Greenspan seizes the pain as an opportunity for potential growth. She encourages readers to look deeply within themselves with compassion and curiosity, urging them to surrender to the pain instead of resist it....because as painful as it feels to do so, it is more fruitful to embrace it than let it fester into destructive pain that leads to addiction and overall health dis-ease.
If you're looking for a meaningful (possibly life changing)grief and loss book that strays off the beaten path (ie, one that is not pop psychology-ish), this is the one for you.
Written by Miriam Greenspan
Published May 2004, 336 pages (paperback)
Read: April 2013
During a Skype conversation between my best friend and I (he was in India and I was in the US) in September 2012, my best friend of 6 years told me "Katie, no matter what happens, I will love you forever." The second most heartbreaking phone call I've received in my adult life came just two months later when my other best friend called me on a Monday morning in mid November. "Katie, he's gone."
I've experienced deaths of loved ones in my life (one of the most painful of my childhood occurred when I was just 11 years old)....but none of them have been quite as emotionally painful as the sudden, unexpected loss of my young, kind, and loving best friend. One day while talking about the difficulties of managing my grief/loss while still going to work and trying to be a good therapist to my clients, an intern whom had been doing clinical assessment training with me told me about this book.
"Healing Through the Dark Emotions" salved the emotional pain in my psyche like nothing or no one else could during these last 6 months, for which I'm incredibly grateful. Miriam Greenspan is not only a therapist whom offers professional insights, she has been through her own personal battles with grief and loss as well. Instead of perceiving it as a hopeless negative, however, Greenspan seizes the pain as an opportunity for potential growth. She encourages readers to look deeply within themselves with compassion and curiosity, urging them to surrender to the pain instead of resist it....because as painful as it feels to do so, it is more fruitful to embrace it than let it fester into destructive pain that leads to addiction and overall health dis-ease.
If you're looking for a meaningful (possibly life changing)grief and loss book that strays off the beaten path (ie, one that is not pop psychology-ish), this is the one for you.
"Einstein's Dreams" (book review)
"Einstein's Dreams" by Alan Lightman
Published 1992 (144 pages, Kindle Edition)
Read: February 2013
If time was relative to a particular person, place, or situation.....would we go about our lives any differently? Would we feel more free to do as we please or more anxiety if the concept of "future" did not exist in our minds? Would our relationships be more meaningful or would we feel hopeless that anything could change without the passage of time? Would our mental health be better with no memory of painful events from our past? What if time wasn't constant but broken up into episodes with the ability to hit 'pause' buttons in between? What if there was nothing to 'measure' time? Would we be more productive? Would we be more creative and carefree....or lazy with no goals, nothing to show for? Would we experience beauty more vividly and more appreciation if time was a quality and not a quantity?
Such questions are asked by Alan Lightman in "Einstein's Dreams," an incredibly beautiful poetic novel that curiously and creatively explores the precious value of 'time' in our lives. A good friend of mine suggested this book to me years ago and I finally got around to reading it. I'm glad I did as it is by far the best fiction novel I've ever read. It touched me deeply on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level. It's resonated with me on such a visceral level that I'm having a difficult time articulating it into words.
Coincidentally enough, I started reading the book as 'time' became more present on my mind and in my life....though more from a negative standpoint. I've been feeling annoyed and pissed off at Time these last few months, particularly when it comes to time zones (don't even get me started on how challenging it is to coordinate talking on the phone with family and friends because of this pesky concept) and that feeling of constantly being busy yet not having enough Time to do all that I would like to do....or Time to 'just be.' Or the yearning to hit the 'rewind' button and relive those past episodes with the knowledge (from the future) that I will not see a particular person in a year's time because he will have died by then, thus savoring every moment with him. This excerpt from "Einstein's Dreams" resonates so true: "In a world without future, each parting of friends is a death. In a world without future, each loneliness is final. In a world without future, each laugh is the last laugh. In a world without future, beyond the present lies nothingness, and people cling to the present as if hanging from a cliff."
I cannot recommend this book enough. I'd even go so far as to say it should be required reading. The world might be a little brighter and joyful if people took these concepts to heart and somehow integrated it into living a meaningful and purposeful life....
Here's a teaser of my favorite excerpts:
"In a world where time is a sense, like sight or like taste, a sequence of episodes may be quick or may be slow, dim or intense, salty or sweet, causal or without cause, orderly or random, depending on the prior history of the viewer."
"Suppose that time is not a quantity but a quality, like the luminescence of the night above the trees just when a rising moon has touched the treeline. Time exists, but it cannot be measured."
"In a world where time cannot be measured, there are no clocks, no calendars, no definite appointments. Events are triggered by other events, not by time."
"In a world where time is a quality, events are recorded by the color of the sky, the tone of the boatman's call on the Aare, the feeling or happiness or fear when a person comes into a room. The birth of a baby, the patent of an invention, the meeting of two people are not fixed points in time, held down by hours and minutes. Instead, events glide through the space of imagination, materialized by a look, a desire. Likewise, the time between two events is long or short, depending on the background of contrasting events, the intensity of illumination, the degree of light and shadow, the view of the participants."
"In this world, time is a visible dimension. Just as one may looks off in the distance and see houses, trees, mountain peaks that are landmarks in space, so one may look out in another direction and see births, marriages, deaths that are signposts in time, stretching off dimly in the far future. And just as one may choose whether to stay in one place or run to another, so one may choose his motion along the axis of time. Some people fear traveling far from a comfortable moment. They remain close to one temporal location, barely crawling past a familiar occasion. Others gallop recklessly into the future, without preparation for the rapid sequence of passing events."
What have you done/what are you doing/what would you like to do with this powerful and beautiful Time?
Published 1992 (144 pages, Kindle Edition)
Read: February 2013
If time was relative to a particular person, place, or situation.....would we go about our lives any differently? Would we feel more free to do as we please or more anxiety if the concept of "future" did not exist in our minds? Would our relationships be more meaningful or would we feel hopeless that anything could change without the passage of time? Would our mental health be better with no memory of painful events from our past? What if time wasn't constant but broken up into episodes with the ability to hit 'pause' buttons in between? What if there was nothing to 'measure' time? Would we be more productive? Would we be more creative and carefree....or lazy with no goals, nothing to show for? Would we experience beauty more vividly and more appreciation if time was a quality and not a quantity?
Such questions are asked by Alan Lightman in "Einstein's Dreams," an incredibly beautiful poetic novel that curiously and creatively explores the precious value of 'time' in our lives. A good friend of mine suggested this book to me years ago and I finally got around to reading it. I'm glad I did as it is by far the best fiction novel I've ever read. It touched me deeply on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level. It's resonated with me on such a visceral level that I'm having a difficult time articulating it into words.
Coincidentally enough, I started reading the book as 'time' became more present on my mind and in my life....though more from a negative standpoint. I've been feeling annoyed and pissed off at Time these last few months, particularly when it comes to time zones (don't even get me started on how challenging it is to coordinate talking on the phone with family and friends because of this pesky concept) and that feeling of constantly being busy yet not having enough Time to do all that I would like to do....or Time to 'just be.' Or the yearning to hit the 'rewind' button and relive those past episodes with the knowledge (from the future) that I will not see a particular person in a year's time because he will have died by then, thus savoring every moment with him. This excerpt from "Einstein's Dreams" resonates so true: "In a world without future, each parting of friends is a death. In a world without future, each loneliness is final. In a world without future, each laugh is the last laugh. In a world without future, beyond the present lies nothingness, and people cling to the present as if hanging from a cliff."
I cannot recommend this book enough. I'd even go so far as to say it should be required reading. The world might be a little brighter and joyful if people took these concepts to heart and somehow integrated it into living a meaningful and purposeful life....
Here's a teaser of my favorite excerpts:
"In a world where time is a sense, like sight or like taste, a sequence of episodes may be quick or may be slow, dim or intense, salty or sweet, causal or without cause, orderly or random, depending on the prior history of the viewer."
"Suppose that time is not a quantity but a quality, like the luminescence of the night above the trees just when a rising moon has touched the treeline. Time exists, but it cannot be measured."
"In a world where time cannot be measured, there are no clocks, no calendars, no definite appointments. Events are triggered by other events, not by time."
"In a world where time is a quality, events are recorded by the color of the sky, the tone of the boatman's call on the Aare, the feeling or happiness or fear when a person comes into a room. The birth of a baby, the patent of an invention, the meeting of two people are not fixed points in time, held down by hours and minutes. Instead, events glide through the space of imagination, materialized by a look, a desire. Likewise, the time between two events is long or short, depending on the background of contrasting events, the intensity of illumination, the degree of light and shadow, the view of the participants."
"In this world, time is a visible dimension. Just as one may looks off in the distance and see houses, trees, mountain peaks that are landmarks in space, so one may look out in another direction and see births, marriages, deaths that are signposts in time, stretching off dimly in the far future. And just as one may choose whether to stay in one place or run to another, so one may choose his motion along the axis of time. Some people fear traveling far from a comfortable moment. They remain close to one temporal location, barely crawling past a familiar occasion. Others gallop recklessly into the future, without preparation for the rapid sequence of passing events."
What have you done/what are you doing/what would you like to do with this powerful and beautiful Time?
"In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior" (book review)
"In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior"
Written by Patrick Carnes
Published August 2007, 264 pages (paperback)
Read: September 2012
As a mental health therapist working in the community mental health system, I'm constantly challenged by a myriad of presenting problems clients would like to work on in therapy. While I've been working in the field of co-occurring disorders (ie, addiction and mental health)since 2005, there are certain disorders I'm very skilled in and others I have very little knowledge or experience to draw from.
I'd venture to guess that an individual presenting to therapy is confident that their therapist can help them tackle any and all presenting clinical problems. Unfortunately, this is not always realistically possible. Sometimes the problem is totally out of the scope of a clinician's educational or professional competence. In these instances, referral to a more appropriate professional specialist is warranted. In a majority of cases, however, it is important for clinicians to take the initiative to seek either (or both) supervision, case consultation with trusted colleagues, and self-motivated professional development via continuing education classes/workshops or reading professional literature on the particular subject.
With that said, I was recently presented with a case involving compulsive masturbation and addictive online sexual behavior. I found myself (internally) floundering within this extremely sexually revelatory session with my client....not out of discomfort of the subject matter being discussed, but out of not knowing how to specifically help someone with this particular issue. Especially given how vulnerable my client felt telling me and wanting the client to continue feeling confident or courageous enough to proceed with treatment.
I found myself both intimidated and intrigued by this newfound clinical challenge, that of sex/cybersex addiction. Immediately and somewhat ironically, I searched various sites online for well-written and highly rated professional books on the topic. Much to my surprise, it was a disappointing and difficult search. While there are a plethora of books promoting "healthy" sexuality and how to explore one's sexuality in healthy/safe ways, books on sexual addiction are few and far between. The book I ended up getting wasn't even one I thought would be very helpful, but it ended up being decent.
"In the Shadows of the Net" explores and analyzes the dangerous allure of the Internet on one's sexual proclivities, especially given the technologically dependent society we live in. Although certainly not to be used by any means as an excuse to act out compulsive sexual behaviors, the availability of sexual content and ease of anonymity online makes it that much easier for an individual to get sucked into a downward spiral of unhealthy and unmanageable sexual behavior. Chapters in this book include identifying problematic behavior ("Do I Have a Problem with Cybersex? and "Understanding Problematic Sexual Behavior on the Internet"), analyzing sexual arousal and intimacy ("What Turns You On? The Arousal Template" and "Courtship Gone Awry"), and how to change/recover from sexually addictive behaviors ("Boundaries," "Taking That First Step," "Changing the Way You Live," "Preventing Relapse: Maintaining the Changes You've Made," and "Family Dynamics and Cybersex"). I found "Understanding Problematic Sexual Behaviors on the Internet," "What Turns You On?," "Courtship Gone Awry," and "Boundaries" to be most helpful.
Upon reading the second half of the book, I realized recovery for sex addiction is very similar to alcohol and drug addiction. The author posits that there is a stronger propensity for relapse with sexual addiction than other addictions. Not sure I agree with that, though the relapse prevention model is very much akin to those used in alcohol/drug recovery programs and seeing that made me feel more confident in my professional capabilities to help a client seeking recovery for sexual addiction. I might even take it one step further and pursue a training to become a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.
Who can say their work is never boring or that they're always learning more about the human condition?
Therapists
Written by Patrick Carnes
Published August 2007, 264 pages (paperback)
Read: September 2012
As a mental health therapist working in the community mental health system, I'm constantly challenged by a myriad of presenting problems clients would like to work on in therapy. While I've been working in the field of co-occurring disorders (ie, addiction and mental health)since 2005, there are certain disorders I'm very skilled in and others I have very little knowledge or experience to draw from.
I'd venture to guess that an individual presenting to therapy is confident that their therapist can help them tackle any and all presenting clinical problems. Unfortunately, this is not always realistically possible. Sometimes the problem is totally out of the scope of a clinician's educational or professional competence. In these instances, referral to a more appropriate professional specialist is warranted. In a majority of cases, however, it is important for clinicians to take the initiative to seek either (or both) supervision, case consultation with trusted colleagues, and self-motivated professional development via continuing education classes/workshops or reading professional literature on the particular subject.
With that said, I was recently presented with a case involving compulsive masturbation and addictive online sexual behavior. I found myself (internally) floundering within this extremely sexually revelatory session with my client....not out of discomfort of the subject matter being discussed, but out of not knowing how to specifically help someone with this particular issue. Especially given how vulnerable my client felt telling me and wanting the client to continue feeling confident or courageous enough to proceed with treatment.
I found myself both intimidated and intrigued by this newfound clinical challenge, that of sex/cybersex addiction. Immediately and somewhat ironically, I searched various sites online for well-written and highly rated professional books on the topic. Much to my surprise, it was a disappointing and difficult search. While there are a plethora of books promoting "healthy" sexuality and how to explore one's sexuality in healthy/safe ways, books on sexual addiction are few and far between. The book I ended up getting wasn't even one I thought would be very helpful, but it ended up being decent.
"In the Shadows of the Net" explores and analyzes the dangerous allure of the Internet on one's sexual proclivities, especially given the technologically dependent society we live in. Although certainly not to be used by any means as an excuse to act out compulsive sexual behaviors, the availability of sexual content and ease of anonymity online makes it that much easier for an individual to get sucked into a downward spiral of unhealthy and unmanageable sexual behavior. Chapters in this book include identifying problematic behavior ("Do I Have a Problem with Cybersex? and "Understanding Problematic Sexual Behavior on the Internet"), analyzing sexual arousal and intimacy ("What Turns You On? The Arousal Template" and "Courtship Gone Awry"), and how to change/recover from sexually addictive behaviors ("Boundaries," "Taking That First Step," "Changing the Way You Live," "Preventing Relapse: Maintaining the Changes You've Made," and "Family Dynamics and Cybersex"). I found "Understanding Problematic Sexual Behaviors on the Internet," "What Turns You On?," "Courtship Gone Awry," and "Boundaries" to be most helpful.
Upon reading the second half of the book, I realized recovery for sex addiction is very similar to alcohol and drug addiction. The author posits that there is a stronger propensity for relapse with sexual addiction than other addictions. Not sure I agree with that, though the relapse prevention model is very much akin to those used in alcohol/drug recovery programs and seeing that made me feel more confident in my professional capabilities to help a client seeking recovery for sexual addiction. I might even take it one step further and pursue a training to become a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.
Who can say their work is never boring or that they're always learning more about the human condition?
Therapists
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